Answering little kids can get profound

When my 3 yr old got curious to know about life before birth….What unfolded was a full-fledged dialogue discussion. Of course, I didn’t see it coming and was caught off-guard. One rarely discusses such things around impressionable kids. Nevertheless, I attempted to answer to nurture her curiosity.

Once upon a time (in August 2020), as we finished cleaning up our arts & crafts activity area, Meher (3.3+ yrs old) turned her attention towards her Mumma-Daddy’s canvas picture, clicked before marriage, hanging on the living room wall.

She was trying to understand about her absence from that specific photo for some-time now. Why was she not included when we love her so much? I had rationalized with her that we got this photo clicked much before she was born.

I remember asking my parents a similar question while flipping through their wedding album at age 4–5. I couldn’t find any picture of mine. The explanation that I wasn’t born yet to be photographed was not convincing. I distinctly remember feeling confused, but I couldn’t articulate it. I made unsuccessful attempts to tear up a few pics. How could I not be born to witness MY PARENT’s wedding! It was unsettling. Sounds silly now :)

On this particular day, Meher seemed unsettled with this explanation as well. What followed was one of the many deep conversations I have had with her. Here it goes.

Meher: Why am I not in the picture?

Me: You weren’t born yet. We took this photo before we got married.

Meher: Why you got married?

Me: Well. Daddy and I love each other so much. We wanted to spend all our time together. Live together forever.

Meher: Then what?

Me: So we married to become husband and wife. Then Daddy’s family also became my family, and my family became daddy’s family. See, now we are one big happy family. (We named all the immediate relatives, and we flipped through some photos)

Meher: You married, after that I was born?

Me: That is correct.

Meher: But then where was I if I was not born?

I had the biggest smile and was speechless for a moment.

Meher: Tell me, Mumma. Where was I ? (Referring to our photo)

That’s it! It hit me that she believes that her existence is beyond her birth. The throbbing life within her must be somewhere if not born!

I should have asked my parents precisely this — Where was I if not in the photo? I must be somewhere! In fact, I questioned this much later.

In general, we don’t dismiss her queries at home.

Meher was intrigued by her existence — a topic that I take seriously. I was definitely not going to push her questions away, but such topics are to be handled delicately. I contribute in making her mental blueprint, on which the rest of her life stands till she takes charge of herself. As a seeker myself and as per my understanding of Indian wisdom in Vedic scriptures, I wanted to make it reasonable for her to grasp. Being particularly mindful of her age…..I decided to go with her flow. Answer what she asks. Refrain driving it.

Meher: Tell me, Mumma. Where was I ?

Me: Well. When you were not born, you were in Babyland.
(This was the best age-appropriate thing I could think of at the spur of the moment.)

Meher: Alone?

(I stared at her for two seconds while I thought about how to move the story forward)

Me: Of course not. There are other baby-lives also.

Meher: No Mumma daddy to love babies???

(Kids ask you the most basic question, but it takes you by surprise!)

Me: There is God to love all the lives in Babyland.

Meher: What babies do there?

Me: You all are happily taking a long nap before taking birth on Earth.

Meher: Whole-time we sleep?

Me: Yes. You are resting.

Meher: How does our body grow? We don’t eat, drink, play.

Me: In babyland, all lives are like glowing lights — like a flame of Diya. You don’t have a human body there. This body that you see is for us to live on Earth. We must take care of it. It is precious.

(I seriously thought if this would make any sense to her. I continued spinning the story as per her questions)

Meher: How did I come to you?

Me: Mumma and daddy wanted to have a baby. That made us happy. So we prayed to God, please send us the one that is for us, and we will keep her name Meher. Then, God sent you, a glowing light, from babyland into mumma’s tummy.

Your life, the light, and mumma-daddy’s love, made your body. Your body grew in my tummy.

Meher: All of it?

Me: Yes. Now once the baby is out of mumma’s body, then mumma daddy take care of the baby until she is big enough to care of herself.

Meher: How was I born?

(I showed her my pregnancy pictures. She was so happy knowing that she lived inside me. )

Me: After your baby body developed, we went to the hospital, and a lovely doctor and nursing staff helped me pop you out.

Meher: I popped out Mumma!

(She found it so amusing)

Me: Yes. Babies are intelligent. They know when to come out. Plus, you could listen to my voice and feel my love. I spoke to you, ‘Meher let me cuddle you in my arms now, time to come out’. You are understanding. You understood everything and did your best.

Meher: Then, you became happy?

Me: Yes. We all were very, very happy. Finally, Meher was in our arms. The family was waiting to love you and kiss you and play with you. We thanked God, they gave us baby Meher!

(We cuddled. She didn’t ask anything more at that time. But I had a question for her)

Me: Do you remember Babyland Meher?

Meher: No.

Me: I also don’t remember. Once we are born, we forget Babyland. We focus on our life on Earth. God continues to take care of all of us. The life inside this body is precious, and so is the body. We must take care of both.

She was happy listening to the story. I was happy to nurture her curiosity.

The story seemed convincing. She stopped asking about her absence from the photo. It reassured her that she existed even before her birth.

As time passes, her question bank grows, adding both comedy and depth. The story evolves.

For a few days, she kept telling her version of the story to the entire family on video-calls. Whatever she gathered.

“First, Mumma-daddy love each other. They got married. Then they prayed Oh god, please give us Meher. I came from Babyland. Like a light in my mumma tummy. God takes care of all lights. Then I lived inside my mumma. And my body grew this much. Then mumma went to a sweet doctor. I popped out. Now I am baby of whole family!”

From then onwards, more discussions, facts, and stories followed. I didn’t realize that from a simple story, mostly nudged by Meher, we would end up touching so many other subjects useful for her well-being and even ours! For example:taking care of our body and mind, or being grateful

Parenting truly is a growth journey for any family.

This experience left an impact on me. We all have a universal curiosity to know — Who am I? It strikes people in different stages of life under varying circumstances. It can also strike a child!

Sometimes, we don’t take such questions seriously. The child is oblivion to the depth of what he/she is asking. A simple innocent question, “Where was I if not born?”, opens the door to more questions. As adults, we may think these to have complex answers. But from a child’s point of view, life is simple and so must be the answers.

As she grows, she will have more counter questions about people growing old and death. I will reassure her again that this body is temporary and that even after passing away, the light deep within us still glows and goes back temporarily to Babyland to rest. So there is nothing to worry about my child. Spend your time well and happily now, in the present. Take care of yourself and others. Be free-spirited. Leave rest up to God, who takes care of the glowing lights within all of us.

Someday Meher, you will understand it much better than even I do. For now, the story solves the purpose. Hopefully, as it evolves, it helps you to be a virtuous and purposeful human being.